"Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
I wasn't ready. I just wasn't. I wasn't mad. I wasn't upset. To tell you the truth...I hadn't even cried. I was still processing. I was still in shock over the news of the cancer, and I just wasn't ready to really talk about it yet, not even with God. But at 10 pm Saturday night, God said, "Get up, I have something to tell you." Obviously, God did not barge into my room like a creeper; but I've heard His voice long enough to recognize it. It sounds like the stillness of the night, when everyone else is sleeping soundly, my husband is "mouth breathing" beside me (sorry hunny,) the cats are nudged tightly by my side... but there I lie, WIDE AWAKE!! God will not let me sleep. Like I said, I've been in that state before, I recognize this moment... and these are the moments when God is about to speak loud and clear, but I have to GET UP and choose to listen to what He wants to tell me.
I got out of the bed quietly, trying not to nudge the cats, (they aren't spoiled:) and trying not to wake the hubby, who I know is about to get up in just a few hrs. to pray and prepare for Sunday morning. I walk to my faithful chair, rolling my luggage cart full of books and journals behind me... and there, right there in the silence of the night... I heard from God. The one who made me, the one who numbered my days, and has the blue prints to my future. I WAS READY TO LISTEN AND HE WAS READY TO SPEAK.
James chapter 1 and 2 was my reading for the day... My discipleship group has been reading through the Bible chronologically. We read our chapters for the day and then journal. Our journals look something like this....H- we HIGHLIGHT where God spoke to us, or what verses got our attention, then E- EXPLAIN what those verses were about, followed by A- how does that APPLY to me, and then finally R- we RESPOND to what we heard God say to us. Quick disclaimer, this is a discipleship method developed by Robby Gallaty with Replicate Ministries, replicate.org, a great tool for discipleship!
Before I opened my bible I took a deep breath... paused... and said "God, I'm ready. What do you say about all of this?" You see, I had heard the doctors view, my friends views, and my families views. At this point I had received MULTIPLE texts, private messages, and phone calls from so many sweet friends and family. SOOOO many people were praying for me, it was all so humbling. Many people had offered advice, stories, and so much more...but now it was time for my Heavenly Father who holds me in the palm of His hand, to swoop down, pick me up, and give me truth. I THRIVE on truth, it makes me happy. I hate being controlled by my emotions or circumstances and I wanted to hear what God, the one who allowed and planned this, had to say..... and right there in James 1: 2-4, God gave me truth.
Endurance is a runners term.. It means to persevere through increasing levels of testing or suffering. I use to love running! It would give me a high and a fulfillment that couldn't be described. And any runner will tell you, once they meet their milage goal, yes they celebrate, but they don't stop there. If there goal was to run 3 miles straight, then their next goal is to run 5 miles. And once they meet their 5 mile goal, they shoot for 7 miles, and so on until they meet the ultimate goal of 26 miles, a full marathon! James tells the followers of Christ that, vs 3 "the testing of your faith produces endurance."... So the current trials you go through are to make you stronger! They are meant to prepare you for the next trial and to build your faith in the God who brought it! I thought my endurance was pretty enduring lol.. But apparently God is taking me to my next milage goal. Yes my faith has grown in God, especially in the past 3 years. But God wasn't going to stop there. Nope! He brought me to my 3 mile endurance run, but now it's time to take me to 5 miles.
Now the question is WHY? Not "Why have You done this to me?" but "Why are you building my endurance?" Well the answer is found in vs. 4 "And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."... So if God is building my endurance and His goal for me is maturity as a believer, then who is the standard of maturity and "completeness" that I'm shooting for? Just like the runner who has a milage goal, I as a follower of Christ have to have a finish line in site as well... well that goal, the person I am trying to look like, the image I am being transformed into... is Christ! Jesus is the only marker I need to be looking at. Not what others say about me, who they want me to be, or what mile the person beside of me is on.. Just Jesus! He is the standard! As a human I will never reach perfection and the process that He is working in me will not be complete until the day I see Him face to face... but through His word, I know He is building my endurance to withstand increasing levels of testing... and what gives me faith to endure, is the knowledge, that He was faithful through the last milage run, and He will be faithful this time as well!
So here's to the next milage marker God is taking me on to build my endurance! May my faith in Him come out stronger as I withstand the increasing levels of testing. HE WAS FAITHFUL LAST TIME AND HE WILL BE FAITHFUL AGAIN!
