I could easily go crazy. I truly could. The kind of crazy where you just want to crawl in a dark hole and hope nobody finds you. The kind of crazy where I could march my bad self over to my insurance company, knock on their pretty little door, and let them know just what I think about their "Policies!!"
I remember teaching a preschool class one time, and there was this 4 yr old little blond headed boy. Every time he knew he was in trouble or sensed that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have dumbed ALL that glue on the carpet, or threw that block at the other kid... he would stand as still as a statue, cover his eyes...and suddenly (in his mind) he would disappear! It was amazing!!...Because we all know, If I can't see you, or if I close my eyes real tight, then the whole world....just disappears. Wouldn't that be nice. I so wish that little boys system was true. If I just close my eyes and be real still,... everything just goes away! All the medical bills, all the aches, every issue, just...poof! Gone!
Unfortunately, it doesn't all work that way. I can close my eyes as tight as I want, but when I come to my senses, and open up my eyes... It's all still going to be there; the bills, the problems, the aches, and.... the unknown future.
Like I said... I could go crazy... if... I believed that all my issues are MY problem. That the weight and responsibility to resolve what is before me is completely on my shoulders. Yes, that could drive someone CRAZY!! BUT.. That's not TRUTH! And I looooove TRUTH.
About a week ago I was reading in Exodus 19, (our church is reading chronologically through the Bible, and we are currently in Exodus,) The children of Israel have been gone from Egypt for three months. They have seen His presence lead them from a pillar like cloud in front of them.. and protect them with a pillar of fire from behind. They have seen Him provide food from heaven and water from a rock. God has watched over them and FAITHFULLY led them thus far!!
So here they are in Exodus 19... now facing the Sinai Wilderness, not exactly a promising sight as they look across the dry wasteland. No life, no food, no water, no shade...NOTHING! They could see absolutely NOTHING! To see a dry, dangerous, unknown wilderness, where death seemed to be certain and then be called to step out into it?! But right before that journey began, God called Moses up on the mountain, and it was there that God gave Moses a promise that would sustain them and carry them through their wilderness journey. Exodus 19 verse 3 says ...
"Moses went up the mountain to God, and the Lord called to him from the mountain: "This is what you must say to the house of Jacob and explain to the Israelites: You have seen what I did to the Egyptians and how I carried you on eagles wings and brought you to myself. Now if you will carefully listen to me and keep my covenant, you will be my own possession out of all the peoples, although the whole earth is mine, and you will be my kingdom of priests and my holy nation. These are the words that you are to say to the Israelites.""
In other words, God told Moses to tell the people to remember His faithfulness to them as they left Egypt. How He literally carried them on His back, like a mother eagle would carry her young. He kept them from the enemy and fed them like a mother bird would feed her babies. HE SUSTAINED THEM! He guided them and never left them!....But here's the part that got my attention and gave me hope, vs. 5, "Now if you will carefully listen to me and keep my covenant, you will be my own possession out of all the peoples!" The word possession here could also be translated treasure...and what we treasure, we hold close, we keep it safe, and we don't let it out of our sight! God said, if you will listen to me, and OBEY when I say obey, STEP when I say step, GO when I say go... THEN I WILL WATCH OVER YOU!! They BELONGED to the God of the Universe! HE was in charge! He was going to watch over them, protect them, guide them, and sustain them through this wilderness journey BECAUSE THEY BELONGED TO HIM.
After my endoscopic ultrasound yesterday, the doctor sat us down and let us know that the cancer has gone through the wall of my colon and has affected my lymph nodes. The next step is Kemo/Radiation. As I stand here looking across the desert I'm about to step into... it looks scary, it looks unknown, it looks dry, bleak, and hopeless....between this sight and the unknown of our insurance, one could truly go....crazy... IF.. they didn't know who they BELONGED too. If they didn't know who was SUSTAINING them. If they didn't know who was CARRYING them high above the wasteland, and through the wilderness. My God is in charge and I BELONG to Him!! I am His treasure, His possession, and my only job in this wilderness is to STEP when He says step, GO when He says go; all I have to do is...OBEY.
I'm not leading the way through this journey. I'm not in charge; and boy does that give me PEACE. My maker and sustainer is in charge and I belong to Him. I'm just following. So Yes, one could go crazy, given the circumstance.... IF... they didn't know who was leading the way or who was truly in charge.
