A Smelly Pot
Well... I promised transparency, and I promised honesty, AND I promised to reveal how long I could go without taking a shower!!:)...So without any further curiosity.... Drum role please, while holding your nose (you might be able to smell me through the computer:)..... The running total to date is....wait for it... 3 days!!!!! Yes, my friends that is the number to beat! And that includes, NOT washing my face! BEAT THAT! I can feel the judgment and gasps now from everyone who sells skin care. I'm sure that number will only grow as the days continue and treatments start.. I'll be expecting my ribbon for SMELLIEST MOMMY any day now!
Now one might ask, of course not openly, but to their closest circle of perfect friends, "Why in this world would she go 3 days without taking a shower??!! And then post it for the world to see?!" Well, first, let's get the facts straight... it was actually 3 1/2 days.. so let's give me the full credit I'm due! But to answer this question in it's entirety, you have to fully understand what kind of week I had.
I knew this week was going to be covered up with doctor's appointments and I thought I had prepared my mind for all the procedures, information, and ENDLESS NEEDLES... oh the needles.. my poor arms. Well Tuesday came, it was full, it was packed, but my faithful companion, my hubby, was right there with me through it all... WE MADE IT!!! Then came Wednesday... I knew we had three long appointments in front of us, but truthfully the one I was least concerned about was the MRI. You see, my thought process was like, "It's just a table, yes another needle, but it's just a table. It will be like the PET scan and I'll just simply sleep through it.".. FOOLISHNESS, utter foolishness spoken straight from my mouth!! I AM NOT going to tell you everything I experienced in it's entirety because I have to look many of you in the eye on Sunday. BUT, I will say, it's a good thing I had no idea what instrument they were going to use, where they were going to put it, and how long it would be there!!!!! I've never cried so much in all my life!! I could have EASILY body slammed that poor soul holding me down! It didn't help that I was hungry, tired, and already sore. Well, that evil Wednesday just continued on... with an hour long iron infusion (another needle), followed by being pulled over, granted it was only for a tale light, but I was already border line mental, so I bawled my eyes out to that poor policeman. He heard WAY more than he wanted to hear and politely just backed away, while letting me go, all while thinking.."PHSYCO." AND AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH... on my way home that evening I knew I didn't feel quite right. I was queazy and achy and just felt weird. Well... turns out.... I had the FLU!!! Self diagnosed, because I CERTAINLY was NOT going to see another doctor!! It's been a rough week, and truthfully after all of this... I really didn't feel like taking a shower... because let's be honest... It may have fixed the outward appearance for a moment, and yes, I may have smelt better, but who was gonna care? I've been quarantined in my bedroom for days, just me and my kitties, and they could care less if I smell:) lol so why bother?!lol...
Seriously though, I can doctor up, bath, and perfume this outward suit and covering all I want but let's get real, it's about to go through even more in the coming weeks. Side effects will kick in... and what I SEE in the mirror is probably gonna change. So how do I process all of this? What do I do when I feel like my body is just one big science experiment that someone needs to stick another needle into?!... Well, I'm glad you asked:)
As I've mentioned before, my discipleship group has been reading through the Bible chronologically, and journaling what God is teaching us, and then writing how that applies to us personally. Well, I was in 2 Corinthians 4 on Monday... and God had a word for me. You see, He knew what kind of week I was about to face, and how the coming weeks will only get more challenging. So He gave me a great TRUTH that I could bury myself in. He gave me a shield that could fight off the lies and darts of satan. He prepared me for what was to come...
I'll save you from too much background here but I encourage you to read 1 and 2 Corinthians if you never have. But not just read it, study it to UNDERSTAND it! 2 Cor. 4 verse 7 refers to our bodies as clay jars... Paul does this to remind us that GOD is the potter and WE are the clay. He made us. The creation gets no say so. Side note; Could you imagine if your child's little legos or paper creations suddenly turned around and said, "No! I don't want to be a bird,", or "No! I don't like yellow lego legs?"...Yeah, I'd be a little wigged out too, because they're creations, and creations don't talk back, nor did we ask for their opinion! I am just a clay jar that has cracks, brokenness, scratches, and discoloration... but I hold something special... It says I hold a "treasure!"... So, then the question is, "What treasure?!" Well, if you read the passages before, then you find that the treasure is referring to the TRUTH, that Jesus really is the Messiah, our Savior, the one we have been waiting for! He is there to introduce a new covenant to the Jews and Gentiles, but unfortunately, many of the Jews didn't want to believe because it would have meant changing EVERYTHING about their old life, all their traditions, religion, and routine... EVERYTHING would have to change, so they deciding not to believe this TRUTH that Jesus truly was who He said He was and that He wanted a relationship with them not a law. Now, like I said, I saved you from the super long version because there is so much more! SO PUT ALL THAT IN YOUR POCKET FOR JUST A SECOND BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO ALL COME TOGETHER!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 reads..."Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
So this broken clay pot, that Jesus chose to hold such a wonderful treasure/truth has one job... To tell others that Jesus really is who He says He is, and He wants a close "unveiled" relationship with them... and what is so cool, is... He chose broken, messed up vessels, which means your past or failures have no relevance in the matter of Him using you. We get none of the attention or glory!! All of the glory goes to Him when other people are impacted by our lives. They don't praise us because of anything we did, or any special talent we have, or because of how awesome we are... THEY JUST SEE JESUS!!! Sooo.... as vs. 16-18 states above... This broken clay pot is breaking down day by day. It's gonna suffer much in the coming weeks and months. This outer man, the one I see in the mirror is gonna change and break down in ways I probably don't even know.
Day by day, I'm watching this smelly, frail pot of a body slowly fade away... but see... here's the thing... the jokes on satan... because just as my outer body is being destroyed... the inner man is becoming STRONGER! It's changing too. The process is actually having an opposite effect on the inside, because though my outward man is dying, my inner man is fully alive, and growing in hope and faith!! (Me sticking my tongue out at Cancer!!)
SO I WILL NOT FOCUS ON WHAT IS SEEN BUT WHAT IS UNSEEN!! I will not focus on the man I see in the mirror, the one the doctors will prod and poke at. Because every outward negative change just represents an inward change that is eternal!! I will focus on the inner man that is growing closer to my savior, day by day. And my only goal is to share this, "treasure" He has entrusted me with so He receives all the glory!! I will not give up until the day I truly see Him face to face... and what is unseen becomes SEEN.... what is faith... becomes SITE!!... This world can have this smelly pot of a body.. I don't need it!!